


shared pains

by Jamless_Tae_With_Suga_and_Kookies



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Hurt & Comfort, Implied mental illness, Mentions of alcohol, SM Family, i wrote this in a rush but i swear i'll edit it eventually, leaders bonding, lots of my mentioned idols, mention of members departing, mentioned eating disorder, random idea i had, sad taeyong, this was done on impulse don't judge me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 22:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14434974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamless_Tae_With_Suga_and_Kookies/pseuds/Jamless_Tae_With_Suga_and_Kookies
Summary: Joonmyun decides it's his turn to console after all the years of being consoled





	shared pains

Joonmyun was at the point of starting to lose count of how many shots he'd had when someone sat down next to him with a heavy sigh. 

Slightly startled and with a possibly rude comment ready to be said, he turned around and did a double take. 

In front of him sat Taeyong, Lee goddamn Taeyong aka the unofficial-official leader of NCT aka the last person he'd expected to find in this place. 

'This place' was really nothing more than the basement of a very popular club, which had somehow turned into a meet up place for leaders of all kinds of groups. Wether they were big or small, successful or not, all of them were safe and welcome here. 

Joonmyun was told about it from Victoria, who had heard it from Jinki, who had been dragged along by Taeyeon years ago, who had overheard Yunho and Jungsoo- you get the gist. 

At first, he only came to make contacts, to actually be able to say he had friends outside of his members, but the more members left, the more frequent his visits became.

When Yifan had first left, all the people trying to cheer him up had simply made his blood boil. How would they know what was going on? After he'd gotten over his initial self pity phase however, he'd realized that he'd acted like an asshole.

Every leader had their own personal burden to carry, some heavier than others. 

Nayong, who was currently laughing with Suyeon, was worried about her youngest member, who had been facing the hate of fans for her weight and on top of that had personal family problems, which weren't really personal after her brother had taken the argument to twitter. 

The leader of Golden Child, who was having a sing off with Junghyuk from Hotshot, had lost a member due to health issues just a little ago and was still not sure how to deal with his fellow members feelings or how to handle the press asking about it.

And he, he hadn't seen his last chinese members in months and was waiting for the news of Yixing leaving everyday. 

All of them had problems in some way or another, but Joonmyun really wasn't expecting Taeyong to ever enter this room. Surely it was Irene who had told him about this place, just like he himself had taken her aside one day in 2014 and handed her the address to the club with words of encouragement for her upcoming debut. 

It wasn't much of a secret that the leaders of SM were the probably most messed up of them all. 

By the time Taeyeon had admitted to the eating disorder the stress from Jessica's department had pushed her into, and Joonmyun told Jiyong he'd rather have his eyes be picked out by crows than live another day as a SM artists when he was drunk off of his ass, everyone realized that while struggling with debt surely wasn't nice, being under SM was even worse. 

However Taeyong... Taeyong never was like that. Taeyong was strong and young. He was one of the first to sign the new SM contract, the one with better conditions for artists, and he was in a rising group who kept getting more attention each comeback and already had solid international and national fanbase. 

Joonmyun hadn't expected him to show up before at least one member left (the highest bets were currently on Johnny being the first, however, Sicheng seemed to rise in popularity with each comeback). Yet there he was, and he looked like he considered quitting his job right in that moment. 

Joonmyun gave the bartender a quick glance, and the tall man immediately started preparing another round of shots after nodding.

„Spill.“ was all the older man told his company mate.

„Hansol left. He's going to move out of the dorms soon.“ Taeyongs' voice wasn't louder than a mumble, something extremely unusual for the usually charismatic leader. 

Joonmyun froze in his place. He had forgotten that at this point of time, Hansol was like a guaranteed member of NCT. Maybe he should've placed his money on the trainee. 

„Why?“ „We don't know. He refused to talk about it. I just don't... he was so close hyung. So fucking close, a few more months only- he could've debuted. With us. As a team.“

The anger and hurt in the others voice was apparent. Joonmyun chuckled sadly. „Trust me, i know that feeling. We all do.“ he said with a bitter undertone.

„How do you do it hyung? You and Taeyeon noona- you seem so good at forgetting and i can't understand how-“

Joonmyun turned around in his seat completely and looked in Taeyongs' eyes. „There is one universal truth that goes for all leaders: We don't forget. Never.“ 

Taeyong sunk even deeper into his seat and Joonmyun felt as if Hansol was one of his own members. He had been there and he'd been consoled in those times. Now it was his turn to console.

„Listen Taeyong. You're new to this, so I'm gonna tell you about everything i've learned concerning the department of members, okay?“ It was meant to be an uplifting remark, but he doubted it came off that way. The younger nodded anyway.

„One - You don't forget. You'll never forget the hours you spent as trainees, the fights you had, the tears you shared. You'll never be able to let go of the sadness of seeing someone give up when they were so close, of the frustration and anger when they just threw everything away.“ 

Taeyong honestly looked like he was about to cry, and Joonmyuns' voice got shaky thinking back to when Yifan first left. He was gonna be strong this time, for his junior. 

„Two - There is nothing you can do to bring him or anyone else back. Once they leave, they're gone. They aren't going to return. Not now, not ever. Don't get your hopes up.“ 

Joonmyun reached out to Taeyongs shoulders and gripped them tight. „Three - You can stay friends. You can stay as close as before, become even closer even if they're not there anymore. They're important to you. Put in the effort. Do everything to keep them close.“ 

The younger males eyes had lifted from the glasses in the cupboards and instead looked at Joonmyun with new found hope. 

„Four - Whatever way your friendship goes, cherish every memory. Don't become spiteful or blame them. It's not their fault. It's not your fault. It's the business.“

NCTs leader nodded slowly but with determination. Getting advice from a senior was precious and he'd take every word as serious as possible. 

„Five - Do not, and i repeat, do not question the What if's. Some people aren't made for this life, or the SM life specifically and that's okay. Even if this situation isn't what you wanted, it's happened. It's over. No tears and screams will change it.“

Joonmyun was struggling with his tears more than Taeyong was at this point. His hands were undeniably shaking, and his nose had gotten stuffed, but the younger pretended not to see. 

,,And sixth - What they did was for the better. Whatever way they took after leaving, it's for their happiness. I can tell you care about them, the trainees and your members, a lot. I know their joy is important to you. When things get rough, always remember this. They are happier. They are free. It was for the better.“

The first tear had found its way out of Joonmyuns eye, somehow, and was now rolling down his cheek. 

„Hyung... do you still-“

„Keep in contact? No Taeyong. We don't. Yixing talks to Luhan who talks to Tao, but we don't have any form of contact aside from that. We tried. But some scars don't heal unless you leave everything you associate with them behind.“

Both of them got quiet, the silence only interrupted by the background noise of the other leaders and the bartender setting down their drinks in front of them.

After a while Taeyong asked: „Does it get easier?“ Joonmyun could tell by his tone that he knew the answer already, but he replied anyways. 

„Never. It hurst every time. It's the most painful feeling in the world, waking up to one of your closest friends missing and finding a note in his place,“ he started. 

„The others will take a lot of time readjusting, even more so if he already debuted with you. You gotta be strong for them Taeyong, i know you know that. You are their backbone in those times. But we, every single one of us here, are gonna be yours.“ 

Taeyong swallowed down the pain and blinked a few times. He cleared his throat before whispering in a small voice: „Thanks a lot hyung. I really needed this.“

Joonmyun only smiled fondly at him, and ruffled his hair. „Anytime kid.“


End file.
